


one foot in and one foot out (how it's been till right now)

by spiritsontheroof



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Angus MacGyver Loves Jack Dalton, Boys In Love, Implied Sexual Content, Jack Dalton Loves Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016), Jack Needs a Hug, M/M, No Smut, References to Cairo (MacGyver TV 2016), mac talks about his feelings, paperclips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:27:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23800042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiritsontheroof/pseuds/spiritsontheroof
Summary: There are only two rules in Mac and Jack’s partnership:1. Do not talk about Cairo.2. Do not talk aboutus.
Relationships: Jack Dalton/Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 102





	one foot in and one foot out (how it's been till right now)

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys, new fic for you! i really love this one and I hope you guys do too!  
> come see me on tumblr, I take fic requests!  
> https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/spiritsontheroof  
> title is put me in my place by muscadine bloodline

There are only two rules in Mac and Jack’s partnership: 

  1. Do not talk about Cairo. 


  1. Do not talk about _us._



And by _us,_ it means they don’t talk about their feelings. No mushy crap, no declarations of love if one of them has a near death experience, no passion fueled kisses before one of them goes headfirst into danger. It’s a thing, an agreement they came to when the feelings got too much to bear unspoken, and really, it’s for the better. Because this thing between them is bound to go up in flames, destined to implode before their eyes, destroy this thing between them, and they just cannot let that happen. 

Losing each other is not an option, never has been, never will be. They don’t need to take that next step to be content together, don’t need to act on those feelings and compromise the partnership they’ve built over so many years. 

So, they don’t talk about it. It hangs between them, heavy, and is obvious in long looks and lingering touches and jokes that aren’t really jokes. 

_“_ _I could_ _kiss you right now, Mac.”_

Mac hates that joke, because for all his sarcastic comments and eye rolls, he’d really like to take Jack up on that. But he can’t, so he doesn’t. Rules, remember? 

This system of dodge-and-deflect works well for years. From Afghanistan to DXS to the Phoenix. It never fails them, never leaves them uncertain, never threatens to fall apart. 

And then Jack leaves. 

Jack leaves and Mac thinks he’s going to fall apart because why, why, _why_ did he never break that stupid rule? Why did he convince himself, convince Jack, that it was better that way? Is he really so damaged, so scared, that he thought he couldn’t make this thing with Jack work? The answer, apparently, is yes. 

Idiot. 

\-- 

The unspoken words weigh on Mac for two years. They run through his mind constantly, drive him crazy, and his brain is melting out of his goddamn ears because of it. He writes them down, he tries to drink them away, he even talks to Riley in feeble attempts to get the feelings to leave him alone. 

None of that works, because why would it, so he shuts his feelings up and hopes they don’t eat him alive. 

(They nearly do.) 

But somehow, he makes it without going insane, and before he knows it, Jack is right back beside him again, watching his back like he was never gone. And the system doesn’t work quite like before, but it works well enough, and Mac stops feeling like he’s losing it. 

Until he almost loses Jack. 

And he knows what you’re thinking. _You almost lose Jack all the time, Mac, get it together,_ _why i_ _s_ _it_ _different now?_

It just is, okay? Shut up. 

It’s different because he hadn’t ever had to be without Jack before the Kovacs mission. Ever since they met in Afghanistan, they had been inseparable, and Mac had _not_ been prepared for anything different. So, when Jack came back, it was like his world had been set right again, wasn’t upside down, like he could finally focus. And now that he knows what being without his right hand feels like, he doesn’t ever want to do it again. 

Anyway, he almost loses Jack on a mission in some foreign country, that part isn’t important. What is important is that one minute he’s building his household bomb of the week, and the next minute Jack is bleeding _a lot_ and Mac is cauterizing a wound with gunpowder while Desi takes care of their bad guys. Mac feels sick the whole time, he’s barely holding it together, his hands are trembling, and he used to be a bomb tech, goddammit, he should be a textbook for steady hands. They’re shaking so hard he can’t even get the bullet apart until Jack says his name, tells him to breathe, looks at him like _t_ _hat,_ and Mac nods, and his hands still shake, but they ease enough for Mac to stop the bleeding and finish building their escape plan. 

Mac gets them out of there with no more trouble, and Matty has a medevac waiting at exfil, and the medic doesn’t give Mac any lip when Mac climbs in the helicopter with Jack. He gets fixed up, Mac gets some stitches for a cut on his forehead he doesn’t remember happening, and Jack keeps giving him looks like he knows what Mac is thinking, knows Mac wants to say the forbidden words, _don’t_ _do it, Mac, you know better._

Mac doesn’t look at him the rest of the ride, doesn’t speak to him during the debrief at the Phoenix, and Jack doesn’t try to stop him when he leaves without a word when Matty dismisses them. Mac drives home and apparently, the universe is spiting him, because every song on every station is some stupid love song, and Mac gets so fed up that he turns the radio off all together. 

He gets home and he spends too long in the shower and he eats leftovers from the last time Riley made him dinner, and he tries to make himself stop thinking about Jack. Stop thinking about him, stop thinking about how you feel, stop wanting something you can’t have. But the more he thinks, the more he thinks telling him would be worth it, no matter if it imploded or not, because five minutes of everything he’s ever wanted would be worth it in the end. 

Those thoughts are how he ends up at Jack’s door at three o’clock in the morning, determined to do the thing they had agreed they’d never do. 

Mac was never much for following rules anyway. 

He stands out there for what feels like forever before Jack answers the door. Jack’s saying something but Mac can’t hear him, his brain isn’t processing, because all the nerves he wasn’t feeling before are certainly there now. 

“Mac? Hey, Mac, are you okay? Mac!” 

Mac’s hearing focuses and he nods. “Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.” He says, furrowing his brow and running a hand through his hair. 

Jack gives him a skeptical look and looks him over. “Okay, so, why are you here?” 

“Oh, right, uh, I need to talk to you. Can I come in?” Mac says before he loses his nerve and bolts. 

“Yeah, totally, man.” Jack steps back to let Mac by, closing the door behind him. “What’s on your mind?” 

Mac rubs the back of his neck and bites his lip. “Uh, well. A lot, actually. Not surprising, I know. But this is important, and it couldn’t wait.” 

“Alright, lay it on me,” Jack says, sitting down on the couch and rubbing his hands together. 

Mac clears his throat and takes a deep breath because this is a big step. A long-standing rule, shattered, right here in Jack’s living room. It’s a bad idea, Jack will shoot it down, Mac is sure, but he can’t keep letting the weight of it sit on him anymore, it is driving him up the wall, it is inhibiting his ability to work and it has gone unsaid long enough. 

“You know how we have our rules?” Mac begins, fingers twisting together, itching for something to play with. “We don’t talk about Cairo, and we don’t talk about us?” 

Jack stiffens at Mac’s words. “Matter of fact I do, and I hope you’re not here to tell me you plan to break rule #2, are you?” 

Mac looks away and pulls a loose thread on the sleeve of his hoodie, tries to avoid Jack’s eyes on him. “That’s exactly what I’m here to do, actually.” 

“Mac, man, come on, don’t do—” 

“Hear me out, alright? Just let me get this off my chest.” Mac holds his hands up and pleads with his eyes, baby blues shiny and bright in the low living room light. 

Jack concedes, leans back on the couch, pinches the bridge of his nose, and waits for Mac to start talking. 

“I know we decided a long time ago that it was better if we didn’t do this. That we’d be better off in the long run if we just pretended that there was nothing between us and stayed friends.” Mac paces through the living room, hands still fidgeting, lack of something to do making it hard to organize his thoughts. Jack gets up and goes over to his desk, digs through the drawers until he comes across what he’s looking for, and he walks back over to Mac, offering him his favorite toy. 

Mac takes the offered paperclip and sighs in relief, smiling. “Thanks. Anyways, I’m tired of pretending, okay? I’m a bad actor and an even worse liar and I can’t do it anymore. It’s driving me crazy. 

“And, you know it was fine before you left, because I had you anyway. You were here and you weren’t mine but that was okay because I still had you. But then you left.” Mac explains, talking a mile a minute, still pacing a hole in Jack’s rug. “And I was so lost, I could barely even work because I was always thinking about you and what we could have been.” 

Jack opens his mouth and Mac holds a hand up. “Let me finish,” he says and Jack glares but doesn’t say anything, so Mac continues. 

“And today, I almost lost you. And now that I know what being without you is like, it scares the shit out of me every time someone pulls a gun on you, or a knife, or throws a punch. And the more I thought about it today, the more holding it in ate away at me. And I’ve decided I don’t care.” 

Jack raises his eyebrows. “You don’t care?” 

“I don’t care. I don’t care if it’s a bad idea. I know you think we’re destined to fail, that it’ll all blow up and we’ll end up caught in the blowback, wishing we had never crossed the line. I think you’re wrong.” Mac says, fingers working away at the paperclip relentlessly as he talked. “I think you and I are perfect, and I think we’re wasting time by pretending we’re not. I think – no, I know – we’d be great together, and we are idiots for not giving this a shot.” 

Jack shakes his head and stands up. “No,” is all he says, and he watches Mac’s face fall, “no. I cannot do this with you, Mac. _We_ can’t do this.” 

Mac fights the lump in his throat and forces his voice to stay steady, wipes away one traitor tear that trails down his cheek. “Why, Jack? Why?” 

And in that moment, looking at Mac, with his messy hair and big blue eyes, wet with tears, Jack can’t think of a single reason why he shouldn’t do this, and he has to look away. “Because I’ll screw this up. You know my track record. I’ll blow this and I’ll lose you and I can’t handle that.” 

Mac rolls his eyes because he’s fucking _exhausted_ with that bullshit reason. “Let me have this, okay? You want me to be happy, right?” Jack gives him a _duh_ look, “Okay, then let me have this.” 

Jack shakes his head and turns to walk out to the balcony. “I can’t, Mac.” 

Mac follows him outside because Jack is not getting off that easy, Mac will _not_ back down on this one, you can bet your ass on that. 

“Why are you so scared of this? It’s me, Jack. I’m not like everyone else you’ve been with and you know that. I’m different. _This,"_ he gestures between them as he steps in front of Jack, “is different.” 

“I know that, Mac, you think I don’t know that? That is why I can’t do this. I have never, not once in all my days, felt about someone like I do about you. I did another tour for you, I moved to LA for you, I’ve killed for you. Hell, I’d die for you, okay?” Jack says, voice almost at a yell. “But I cannot give you this and then inevitably take it away when I fuck up.” 

Mac steps in close til they’re almost chest to chest, trying to control his breathing as he holds Jack’s eyes, and _God,_ he could melt under that gaze. It’s so intense but warm, inviting, looking at Mac like he’s the most beautiful thing in the world. 

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want this, Jack.” 

Jack sighs, licks his lips, and runs his hands through his hair. “You know I do, Mac.” 

Mac steps in even closer so they’re chest to chest. “Look at me and tell me you don’t want to kiss me,” he says, voice low as his eyes flicker between Jack’s eyes and lips. 

“Mac, you are about to pass a point of no return, buddy,” Jack warns him, voice barely above a whisper. 

“I don’t care, Jack. I want this. I want _you._ You’re not gonna scare me out of it or change my mind.” Mac breathes, shaking his head. 

Jack just looks at him and Mac feels like the world around him stops existing. In that moment, it’s only him and Jack and this fragile little bubble they’re living in. Mac’s heart is pounding against his rib cage and he wishes Jack would say something, do something, but he doesn’t. So, Mac breaks the silence. 

“Kiss me,” he says and Jack doesn’t protest, grabs Mac’s face and kisses him, hard and desperate and if not for Jack holding him up, he’d be a puddle on the concrete balcony right now. Mac whines in the back of his throat and fists his hands into Jack’s ratty old Metallica shirt, gets as close to him as he can get, and gives as good as he gets. 

The feeling is unlike anything Mac has ever felt. He doesn’t want to say there’s fireworks or sparks or something corny, and those don’t quite describe it anyway. Mac feels the way he always feels after they save a city or stop a building from collapsing or barely get out of a mission by the skin of their teeth. It’s a post-mission high cranked up to eleven and Mac is addicted, can’t get enough of the warm slide of Jack’s lips over his or the scratch of his stubble on Mac’s face. It’s damn near _orgasmic,_ Mac thinks. 

Jack pulls away and Mac chases his mouth with a whine, but Jack gets out of reach before Mac can catch him. Jack slides his hands over Mac’s shoulders, down his back, rests them on the exposed skin of his hips where his shirt has ridden up. Jack’s hands are rough with callouses but they’re warm and his thumbs are rubbing circles into Mac’s hipbones, digging in just so and Mac thinks he might _die_ just from this feeling. 

“That was... indescribable,” Mac says, voice rough as he slides his arms around Jack’s neck, smile spreading across his kiss swollen lips. 

Jack can’t help but smile back and he presses another kiss against Mac’s unfairly gorgeous mouth. “Yeah. Something that’s such a bad idea should not feel so dam good.” Jack mumbles against his mouth, pulling Mac’s hips flush against his. 

Jack kisses him again, slow, and deep and downright _dirty_ , licking into his mouth. Mac gives as good as he gets and Jack moans, and the noise sends a shiver down Mac’s spine to his already interested dick. Jack is hard against his hip, too, Mac can feel, and he smiles inwardly knowing he’s the cause. 

Mac pulls away, breathing hard against Jack’s lips. “Okay, you have to stop that,” he says with a little smile, trying hard to catch his breath. 

“Why’s that?” Jack asks, sliding his fingers below the waistband of Mac’s low-slung lounge pants. 

“Because, we should – _fuck –_ _“_ Mac is rudely interrupted by Jack’s mouth sliding over his neck, teeth grazing the incredibly sensitive skin, “take this slow.” He manages through gritted teeth. 

“Mm, we can take it slow. We can take all evening over it if you’d like, darlin’.” Jack drawls in his ear and Mac blushes at the name, biting his lip as Jack pulls away to look at him. 

“I wanna do this right. But if you keep all this up, kissing me like that and calling me darlin’, I’m likely to put out before we’ve even been on a single date.” Mac says with a little laugh, fingers sliding through the short hairs on the back of Jack’s neck. 

“Mm. I like the sound of that.” Jack hums and kisses Mac softly before letting him go. “But you’re right. We should go slow.” 

Mac nods. “Good.” 

“Good.” 

“We should go inside,” Mac says, unmoving. 

“Yeah.” 

Neither of them moves, just standing there, holding onto each other, and Mac can’t take it. 

“Screw it,” he mumbles and then he’s kissing Jack again. 

So much for slow. 

\-- 

Jack guides them inside with little trouble, narrowly avoiding shoving Mac against the glass door. He pushes Mac against the wall, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it away without looking. His lips are back on Mac’s as soon as the hoodie is gone, and soon Jack is pulling him off the wall and toward the bedroom, pulling his own shirt off in the process. Jack gets them inside, shoves Mac playfully onto the bed, and closes the door behind them. 

\-- 

The next morning they’re a little late for work and Mac has to borrow some of Jack’s clothes. They’re too big, hanging off him in ways that shouldn’t be flattering but somehow make it hard for Jack to focus during Matty’s briefing. No one says anything when they show up together, looking tired and flustered. And God bless them for not mentioning the line of hickies trailing down Mac’s neck or the slight hitch in his walk. 

Matty gives them a lecture on relationships in the workplace and Mac blushes all the way down his chest, and in that moment, Mac is beautiful, and Jack doesn’t regret a single thing. 


End file.
